I AM

I had this saved on my lappy from the 8th of March…

 

I Am

I am Funny and bright

I wonder if the future me will like the present me

I hear butterflies whisper

I see angels having tea on the clouds

I want to be satisfied

I am who I am right now

I pretend to be in control

I feel the Queen within me stirring

I touch a soul

I worry that I’ll never feel adequate

I cry for innocence abused

I am who I am right now

I understand that God is too big to fit in any box

I say each human being is born with the capacity to love deeply

I dream about the day I meet my soulmates face to face

I try to understand, to listen, to learn, to improve

I hope that this too shall pass and that I’ll be abundantly filled with inner peace

I am who I am right now, I am Sillymoose.

Dear Casanova

Dear ex-boyfriend, Casanova, boy who made me cry

Just a little note to let you know that I finally get why you are not a bad person or a f*cknut or all the other colourful words I chose to call you when I’m hurting. The fact that you led me on does not make you a bad person, nor that you vanished into thin air. It just makes you a messed up, complicated person like everybody else who choses to run instead of stay and find out. I’d like you to know that I won’t be mad at you forever and I won’t likely cry about you again, but that I really did care about you and think you were too gorgeous for words. I’m will occasionally think of you and fantasize and wish you were a bit les guarded and had a bit more guts. I’ll still miss your stimulating company, your delicious body and bizarre sense of humour. I’ll probably still call you an ass from time to time, just until I feel a bit less inadequate and hurt. But the grown up version of me knows you are still a stunning human being and one I’ll miss for a while. Thank you for the wonderful moments and for making me feel highly desirable at times. Stunning , in fact. I really hope and pray that you find somebody who will put up with your shit long enough for you to learn to trust her and that you’ll actually believe in love above freedom one day. You have a lot to give and some woman is going to make you very happy. I wish I could be the one who sticks around despite how crap you treat them so that I could reap the benefit of breaking though your huge walls. I am perhaps strong, loyal and determined enough, but I won’t gamble with my sanity or self-esteem any more. I choose me. Now go climb out of your man cave and choose you too. Much love, the one that got away x

Casanova’s Mistress Box

It was after a discussion with my best friend (who we shall call Boemps) over skype that I got to recap my adventurous – is that the word?- love life over the last year or so. The Ex, the Virgo (if you follow the blog I’m sure you’ve met him) and the Phantom. Those are the ones I’ll mention for now…

The last one was the final straw…(where have I heard that before?) and the one that has finally triggered the question of why it is that I am attracted to these un-keepable figures. I don’t have the answer just yet but finally know what they are. They are the modern-day Casanova. I am the average girl on the street who falls for their charms. Wow…average is such a undesirable word.

After much deliberation my various personalities and I have finally found the title for my current “box”. What we’ll do now that we know we are in the box is unclear. Making it up as I go…

IT’S MUSIC!! 10/19/2010

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I was driving home today in crazy heat melting in my denim, singing Barbra and Fiona and all sorts. As I turned off the highway it suddenly hit me: “Dah moron!! It’s music!! The thing that inspires you is music.” A crazy whirlwind of quotes and songs started whooshing through my head and I rushed home to type it down before I forget. I found clips and vids to accompany the quotes. SO if you click on the quote another window should pop open (all magic-like).

“Music’s important. Singing is important. We don’t sing enough. Now everybody’s plugged in. We all listen but people don’t sing as much as they use to.” (Meryl Streep Mamma Mia! interview)

“You can take all the novels in the world, and not one of them will make you feel as good as fast as “I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May” That is real poetry. Those are real poets. Smokey Robinson, Stevey Wonder, Bob Dylan, the Beatles.” (Hugh Grant in Music & Lyrics)

So I shall sing more and remember to constantly find new songs and new inspiration.

Ha…so much for that. Here I thought I could fill days and days of blogging in pursuit of what inspires me. Damn… okay….next topic?

Inspiration 10/18/2010

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I was watching Julie & Julia last night and got to wondering about what
inspires and excites me. You know, enough to make me WANT to get up in
the morning. It definitely isn’t food. Heaven knows food doesn’t excite
me…so what is it. I shall find out!

For now, however, whilst I’m searching…this was handy:

1. The act of inspiring or breathing in.
2. breath
3. (physiology) The drawing of air into the lungs, accomplished in
mammals by elevation of the chest walls and flattening of the
diaphragm.
4. The act or power of exercising an elevating or stimulating influence
upon the intellect or emotions; the result of such influence which
quickens or stimulates; as, the inspiration of occasion, of art, etc.

5. A supernatural divine influence on the prophets, apostles, or sacred
writers, by which they were qualified to communicate moral or
religious truth with authority; a supernatural influence which qualifies
men to receive and communicate divine truth; also, the truth
communicated.

– http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/inspiration