Angry…positive?

So today I got royally peeved at my landlord yet again and am noticing a very bizarre trend… when I get annoyed I tend to snap out of my depro-state for short bursts of self-centred productivity. Hmm… Weird thing for a fight-the-anger kinda girl to be realising about herself. Who woulda thunk it?

And whilst I’m here my new pick me up song has made it’s appearance. It’s old, but hey…so is my soul. LOL. (self amusement)

Gwen Stefani LYRICS:

(I’ve edited the insane repetition out & keeping the good stuff…)

What an amazing time
What a family
How did the years go by?
Now it’s only me

(La la la la la)
Like a cat in heat stuck in a moving car
A scary conversations,
Shut my eyes, can’t find the brake
What if they say that you’re a climber?
Naturally i’m worried if i do it alone
Who really cares cuz it’s your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance cuz you might grow

Like an echo pedal, you’re repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, bloom to perish
Your moment will run out
Cuz of your sex chromosome
I know it’s so messed up how our society all thinks (for sure)
Life is short, you’re capable (uh huh)
Oh… oh ohhh
LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW!
YOU’RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE!
YOU GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!
AND THEY’RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK!

 

I AM

I had this saved on my lappy from the 8th of March…

 

I Am

I am Funny and bright

I wonder if the future me will like the present me

I hear butterflies whisper

I see angels having tea on the clouds

I want to be satisfied

I am who I am right now

I pretend to be in control

I feel the Queen within me stirring

I touch a soul

I worry that I’ll never feel adequate

I cry for innocence abused

I am who I am right now

I understand that God is too big to fit in any box

I say each human being is born with the capacity to love deeply

I dream about the day I meet my soulmates face to face

I try to understand, to listen, to learn, to improve

I hope that this too shall pass and that I’ll be abundantly filled with inner peace

I am who I am right now, I am Sillymoose.

 

Dear Casanova

Dear ex-boyfriend, Casanova, boy who made me cry

Just a little note to let you know that I finally get why you are not a bad person or a f*cknut or all the other colourful words I chose to call you when I’m hurting. The fact that you led me on does not make you a bad person, nor that you vanished into thin air. It just makes you a messed up, complicated person like everybody else who choses to run instead of stay and find out. I’d like you to know that I won’t be mad at you forever and I won’t likely cry about you again, but that I really did care about you and think you were too gorgeous for words. I’m will occasionally think of you and fantasize and wish you were a bit les guarded and had a bit more guts. I’ll still miss your stimulating company, your delicious body and bizarre sense of humour. I’ll probably still call you an ass from time to time, just until I feel a bit less inadequate and hurt. But the grown up version of me knows you are still a stunning human being and one I’ll miss for a while. Thank you for the wonderful moments and for making me feel highly desirable at times. Stunning , in fact. I really hope and pray that you find somebody who will put up with your shit long enough for you to learn to trust her and that you’ll actually believe in love above freedom one day. You have a lot to give and some woman is going to make you very happy. I wish I could be the one who sticks around despite how crap you treat them so that I could reap the benefit of breaking though your huge walls. I am perhaps strong, loyal and determined enough, but I won’t gamble with my sanity or self-esteem any more. I choose me. Now go climb out of your man cave and choose you too. Much love, the one that got away x

 

Co-dependency

This is perhaps the best songe ver written regarding co-dependency!

 

“Not The Doctor”
- Alanis Morissette

I don’t want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don’t want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don’t want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don’t want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don’t want to be your babysitter
You’re a very big boy now
I don’t want to be your mother
I didn’t carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door

Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you’d find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it’s too much to ask for and I am not the doctor

I don’t want to be the sweeper of the egg shells that you walk upon
And I don’t want to be your other half, I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don’t want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face
At midnight, hey
What are you hungry for
I don’t want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don’t want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I’m afraid of heights
I don’t want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window

Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you’d find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it’s too much to ask for and I am not the doctor

I don’t want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don’t want to be responsible for your fractured heart
And it’s wounded beat
I don’t want to be a substitute for the smoke you’ve been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for

Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you’d find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it’s too much to ask for and I am not the doctor

 

Vir jou

(Note 2011/10/24: This guy turned out to be an A-class ass. He was engaged, messed up our company and reminds me daily that I trust too easily. nonetheless…at the time I’d put this on the blog for him.) 

 

And in your eyes I see ribbons of color
I see us inside of each other
I feel my unconscious merge with yours
And I hear a voice say, “What’s his is hers”

I’m falling into you (falling into you)
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

I was afraid to let you in here
Now I have learned love can’t be made in to fear
The walls begin to tumble down
And I can’t even see the ground

I’m falling into you (falling into you)
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

Falling like a leaf, falling like a star
Finding a belief, falling where you are

Catch me, don’t let me drop!
Love me, don’t ever stop!

So close your eyes and let me kiss you
And while you sleep I will miss you

Oh I’m falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

Falling like a leaf, falling like a star, oh
Finding a belief, falling where you are

Falling into you
Falling into you
Falling into you

 

Sometimes it’s a bitch…

I am running the actual risk of turning into those crazy “emo” hags that just post dark and obscure lyrics and poetry and never says anything personal on their blogs. No really…I see the signs!! *she says in a very dramatic tone* but the truth is that my personal thoughts and feelings are rather dodge and may cause alarm to those I love. Music, on the other hand can express so many complex and intertwined emotions so eloquently…a gift I am afraid I do not possess at this stage of my life. SO for those who care… here is my current song of expression It’s by Stevie Nicks and is called…as the title didn’t cleverly disguise… Sometimes It’s a Bitch! 
Oh and sidebar…This songs is quite bi-polar in a right brained “level headed” way. (My opin

Well I’ve run through rainbows and castles of candy
I cried a river of tears from the pain
I try to dance with what life has to hand me
My partner’s been pleasure…my partner’s been pain

There are days when I swear I could fly like an eagle
And dark desperate hours that nobody sees
My arms stretched triumphant on top of the mountain
My head in my hands…down on my knees

Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes love’s blind…and sometimes it sees
Sometimes it’s roses…and, sometimes it’s weeds
Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes it’s a breeze

I’ve reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I’ve laid down with love and I woke up with lies
What’s it all worth only the heart can measure
It’s not what’s in the mirror…but what’s left inside

Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes love’s blind…and sometimes it sees
Sometimes it’s roses…and, sometimes it’s weeds
Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes it’s a breeze

You gotta take it as it comes
Sometimes it don’t come easy

I’ve run through rainbows and castles of candy
And I’ve cried a river of tears from the pain
I tried to dance with what life had to hand me
And if I could…I’d do it all over again

Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes love’s blind…and sometimes it sees
Sometimes it’s roses…and, sometimes it’s weeds
Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes it’s a breeze
Sometimes the picture just ain’t what it seems
You get what you want…but it’s not what you need
Sometimes it’s a bitch…sometimes…it’s a breeze
Well it’s a breeze…it’s a breeze…it’s a breeze…

 

A revisit with the Virgo…addictive buggar

Poison lyrics

Artist: Alice Cooper Lyrics

Your cruel device
Your blood, like ice
One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t want to break these chains

Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I’m caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace on sweat

I hear you calling and it’s needles and pins (And pins)
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don’t want to touch you but you’re under my skin (Deep in)
I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains
Poison

One look could kill
My pain, your thrill
I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains
Poison

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah
I don’t want to break these chains
Poison, oh no
Runnin’ deep inside my veins,
Burnin’ deep inside my veins
It’s poison
I don’t wanna break these chains
Poison

 

Why we struggle with break ups…

Musical: My Fair Lady
Song: I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face

[In the street and Higgins is hurrying home in a huff.]
HIGGINS
Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
I’ve grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I’ve grown accustomed to the tune that
She whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I was serenely independent and content before we met;
Surely I could always be that way again-
And yet
I’ve grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her voice;
Accustomed to her face.

[Spoken]
“Marry Freddy.” What an infantile idea. What a heartless,
wicked, brainless thing to do. But she’ll regret, she’ll
regret it. It’s doomed before they even take the vow!

[Sung]
I can see her now, Mrs. Freddy Eynsford-Hill
In a wretched little flat above a store.
I can see her now, not a penny in the till,
And a bill collector beating at the door.
She’ll try to teach the things I taught her,
And end up selling flowers instead.
Begging for her bread and water,
While her husband has his breakfast in bed.
In a year, or so, when she’s prematurely grey,
And the blossom in her cheek has turned to chalk.
She’ll come home, and lo, he’ll have upped and run away
With a social-climbing heiress from New York.
Poor Eliza. How simply frightful!
How humiliating! How delightful!
How poignant it’ll be on that inevitable night
When she hammers on my door in tears and rags.
Miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite.
Will I take her in or hurl her to the walls?
Give her kindness or the treatment she deserves?
Will I take her back or throw the baggage out?

But I’m a most forgiving man;
The sort who never could, ever would,
Take a position and staunchly never budge.
A most forgiving man.
But, I shall never take her back,
If she were even crawling on her knees.
Let her promise to atone;
Let her shiver, let her moan;
I’ll slam the door and let the hell-cat freeze!

[Spoken]
“Marry Freddy”-h a!

[Sung]
But I’m so used to hear her say
“Good morning” ev’ry day.
Her joys, her woes,
Her highs, her lows,
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I’m very grateful she’s a woman
And so easy to forget;
Rather like a habit
One can always break-
And yet,
I’ve grown accustomed to the trace
Of something in the air;
Accustomed to her face.

 

The one that woke me up…

You know those days…well maybe you do… where nothing excites you enough to get you out of bed? Not even the guilt of missing work or anything. Sleep deprivation and a broken CD player won this morning. Then at about 11something I was drawn to zamob.com on my BB and somehow stumbled apon this song, which was the magic I needed   It’s called IT HAPPENS by Sugarland:

Missed my alarm clock ringing
Woke up, telephone screaming
Boss man singing his same old song

Rolled in late about an hour
No cup of coffee, no shower
Walk of shame with two different shoes on

Now it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah, blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over think it
Let go laughing

Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is psssh it happens

My trusty rusty had a flat
I borrowed my neighbor’s Cadillac
I’ll be right back
Going down to Wally World

That yellow light turned red too quickly
Knew that truck the moment it hit me
Out stepped my ex and his new girl
‘Sorry ’bout your neck baby’

But it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah, blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over think it
Let go laughing

Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
Irrefutable, indisputable
Fact is it happens

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over think it
Let go laughing

Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
Irrefutable, indisputable
Fact is

Yeah, the irrefutable, indisputable
Absoluteable, totally beautiful
Fact is psssh it happens

I’m sure God would speak in music or His voice would sound like music.

 

It’s Music

I was driving home today in crazy heat melting in my denim, singing Barbra and Fiona and all sorts. As I turned off the highway it suddenly hit me: “Dah moron!! It’s music!! The thing that inspires you is music.”  A crazy whirlwind of quotes and songs started whooshing through my head and I rushed home to type it down before I forget. I found clips and vids to accompany the quotes. SO if you click on the quote another window should pop open (all magic-like).

“Music’s important. Singing is important. We don’t sing enough. Now everybody’s plugged in. We all listen but people don’t sing as much as they use to.” (Meryl Streep Mamma Mia! interview)

“You can take all the novels in the world, and not one of them will make you feel as good as fast as “I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May” That is real poetry. Those are real poets. Smokey Robinson, Stevey Wonder, Bob Dylan, the Beatles.”  (Hugh Grant in Music & Lyrics)

So I shall sing more and remember to constantly find new songs and new inspiration.

Ha…so much for that. Here I thought I could fill days and days of blogging in pursuit of what inspires me. Damn… okay….next topic?