From the Here and Now (2003) show:
[referring to headset phones] “Chances are if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it, too.”
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, "I have a problem with procrastination, too." I said "Really?… Get my sandwich."
“I don’t want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He’s being chased by a lion. That’s stress. You’re not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I’ll tell you that right now.”
“Our attention span is shot. We’ve all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don’t have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD – Too Busy Disorder.”
“What’s with this sudden choice of disorders we get right now? When I was a kid, we just had crazy people. That’s it, just crazy people.”
[about talking vs. communication] Even when we say, "How are you?" we don"t mean, "How are you?" – we don’t care. Just give us a "fine" or a "good" – a one syllyble answer and move along. And don"t even say "pretty good". That’s a follow-up question: "pretty good" "something happen?… I don"t… have… time to…"
“We’re doin all these things so we can squeeze things together so we can save time, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t have anymore time, I have less time. But let’s just say we could save up a whole chunk of time and set it aside, you know what we’d do with it? Nothing. Nothing at all. Isn’t that the point, to be able to do nothing at all? We’re not guaranteed that later-on chunk of time, all we have is here and now, and that’s why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you’re gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I’ve gotta stop I’ve gotta come to my senses, I’ve been out riding fences for so long… oops I did it again… um… What I’m trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don’t remember anything else that I’ve said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.”
